More than 11,000 teachers across the UK are to be given free guidance on how to support suddenly bereaved children, following a study highlighting a desperate lack of support in this sensitive area.
Today’s (27 May) announcement by the Amy & Tom project, an initiative by road safety charity Brake, and the UK's leading funeral director, The Co-operative Funeralcare, comes on the back of research by the two organisations which shows that only one in five schools in the UK have a written policy on helping bereaved children in the classroom.
The two organisations have taken a lead by launching a professional guide “Helping suddenly bereaved children” which is aimed at teachers, parents and carers of children who suddenly and unexpectedly lose a close family member. The 11,000 free copies for teachers are available via The Co-operative Funeralcare’s 850-strong UK branch network. Copies can also be obtained from the Amy & Tom project on 01484 559909.
The research was conducted in almost 100 UK schools attended by about 40,000 pupils aged from four to 18. It revealed an average of two children bereaved per school every year and found that out of the one in five schools with policies, half did not include information on how to obtain bereavement literature and three-quarters did not provide comprehensive advice for teachers.
The guide for teachers published today is designed to give them and other carers an insight into children’s understanding of sudden death, how they may react and express their grief and how teachers and carers can provide help.
Many bereaved children face difficulties on their return to school, such as mood swings, under-performing in schoolwork and finding it difficult to interact with their friends, making them more vulnerable to bullying.
Mary Williams OBE, author of the guide, said: “A suddenly bereaved child always needs love, support and care to enable them to grieve and have the best chance of a full and happy life. This guide will empower teachers and other adult carers to provide suddenly bereaved children with the vital support and understanding they need.”
Lorinda Robinson, The Co-operative Funeralcare’s Head of Marketing, commented: “We’re at the heart of hundreds of communities and we meet families almost every day who are struggling to help their children come to terms with the sudden bereavement of a loved one. Clearly there is a desparate need for this publication.”
The guide also provides a step-by-step guide to the thinking behind the contents of a children’s book Someone has died suddenly, also published by the Amy & Tom project and The Co-operative Funeralcare in November 2009 … for which demand continues to be overwhelming.
Additional information
For queries and interviews, contact Katie or Ellen at the Amy & Tom project, on 01484 550063/ 550067 (out-of-hours 07976 069159) or news@brake.org.uk
Alternatively, contact Phil Edwards at The Co-operative Funeralcare, on 0161 827 5289 (24 hours)
About the Amy & Tom Project
The Amy & Tom project is a not-for-profit initiative which aims to help children bereaved suddenly by any means, including road crashes, heart attacks (or other sudden medical conditions such as meningitis), murder, suicide, or any kind of accident or other cause of sudden death. The project is run by Brake, the road safety charity. For more information, go to www.amyandtom.org and www.brake.org.uk
About The Co-operative Funeralcare
The Co-operative Funeralcare is the UK’s leading funeral director, conducting more than 100,000 funerals a year. It operates 850 funeral homes nationwide and is part of the UK’s largest mutual retailer. For more information go to www.co-operativefuneralcare.co.uk
Case study
Vicki Radford’s husband Andrew was only two minutes away from their house, on his way home from work, when he fell asleep at the wheel of his car. It was about 5.30pm on 4 December 2008 and he died in hospital, in the early hours of Friday 5 December.
Vicki was left to break the news to her two young children Sam (then aged 4) and Alice (then aged 18 months).
Vicki says: “I was really grateful for the Someone has died book, which helped Sam identify the questions he wanted to ask and enabled me to find appropriate language to explain everything he wanted to know. We were given the book just two days after Andrew died and it gave me a way of explaining everything to Sam at a level he could understand, with appropriate pictures for him to look at. He really related to the child narrators of the book and I think that helped him to feel that he wasn’t alone.
“One of the great things for me was that the book gave a list of really useful contacts for further help and support for the children in the months following Andrew’s death, when I felt as if I was wandering around in a fog.
“As time went on, it became painfully clear that Sam’s school didn’t have enough information to be able to help him effectively. Sam told me ‘They don’t let me talk about daddy at school’; his teachers kept trying to change the subject. This was very confusing for him, because my policy at home had always been that the children could ask me anything at all and they could talk whenever they wanted to talk.
“Thankfully when a new teacher started at the school she let Sam talk about his dad and helped him with activities to remember Andrew, such as creating a memory box. Sam is now five and has recently started a new school, where the teachers seem much more clued up about how to support him.
“The assumptions made by adults about the children and how they should deal with Andrew’s death really shocked me. So many people had the prevailing attitude that because they were so young, they wouldn’t be able to remember him. That’s just not true. Alice hadn’t even started talking properly when Andrew died, but soon started asking where her daddy was. She’s now three and recently said she doesn’t like our new house: with gentle questioning, I was able to find out that it’s because daddy isn’t here.
“The Someone has died book is perfect for dipping in and out of, whenever we need to, as things crop up. I remember Sam being extremely angry – punching and kicking – and showing him the page that says that it’s ok to be angry and discusses appropriate ways of expressing anger.
“As time goes on, I’m sure both Sam and Alice will have more questions and we’ll carry on using the book to help us. I’m looking forward to helping them with some of the creative activities aimed at older children when they are ready. Using the book has helped to reinforce my belief that even young children need honesty and help to understand terrible things that have happened in their lives; there’s no point hiding things from them. In fact, one of the most useful things that the book explains is that grown-ups can sometimes say stupid things to bereaved children – with the new guide for teachers and carers being published today, I’m hoping that will become a thing of the past.”
More survey results:
Schools surveyed reported the following characteristics of bereaved children in the school environment:
- almost nine out of ten (87%) had mood swings
- seven out of ten (70%) under-performed in school work compared with previous performance
- almost six out of ten (57%) had difficulty joining in class group activities or discussions
- half (49%) had difficulty forging large groups of friends and increased vulnerability to bullying or shyness
- just under half (45%) had other symptoms
More than seven in ten schools (68%) admitted needing more advice and resources to help effectively teach pupils about death and bereavement, to give them some preparation if the worst happens.
One in eight schools (12%) do not provide any opportunities for pupils to learn about or discuss the reality and effects of death and bereavement.