Co-op reveals death disconnect: 29M Brits unable to talk about funeral wishes despite 11M thinking about death weekly
28 February 2024
- 22% of people think about their own death weekly and 55% at least monthly, but less than half (45%) have openly talked about their funeral wishes with loved ones
- Generations experiencing significant life milestones later, or not at all, (buying property, getting married, having children) is causing a gap in conversations about death and planning with loved ones – leading to increased emotional and financial strain
- Three quarters (72%) of people haven’t made a will, with half (51%) saying this is because ‘they haven’t got round to it yet’ and four fifths (79%) don’t have life insurance, with a quarter (25%) saying they don’t need it
- Findings of UK's biggest ever survey into death, dying, bereavement and later life planning revealed as 30,000 people have their say, including 18,500 Co-op member owners taking part
Over a fifth (22%) of people think about their own death as regularly as once a week, and over half (55%) are doing so monthly, according to new research launched by Co-op today. In spite of this, 29 million people are at risk of not having their affairs in order when they die, due to a reluctance in discussing their own funeral wishes with their loved ones.
The study forms the basis of Co-op’s state of the nation Planning for Death report - backed by YouGov - based on the views of over 16,000 UK adults and 18,000 Co-op member owners and is an-depth investigation into the nation’s attitudes towards death, dying, bereavement and later life planning. Co-op, which is owned by its 5 million members, is encouraging greater comfort and openness in talking to loved ones about funeral wishes and death, gathering the thoughts and attitudes towards death of over 60,000 people across the UK, including 24,000 Co-op member owners, since 2018.
Despite death being top of mind for many, less than half (45%) have openly talked about their funeral wishes with loved ones. Co-op’s report also reveals that just one third of people (33%) are comfortable with and have talked to loved ones about their own death, while over a tenth (12%) said they were not comfortable and would not discuss it at all.
Co-op is encouraging the nation to talk to loved ones about their funeral wishes to avoid the emotional burden of not knowing how their loved one would want to be remembered. The research reveals the disconnect between talking about death and ensuring loved ones' wishes are fulfilled when the times comes, as making sure all requests of the deceased are fulfilled is the number one priority for two fifths (38%) of people, ahead of funeral costs (33%) and who attends the funeral service (24%).
Moving milestones
Research from Co-op’s Planning for Death report indicates that for many, reaching a significant milestone in life can prompt thoughts about their funeral wishes and later life planning. For example, 46% of people took out life insurance after buying a house. However, the frequency of such milestones – such as people buying houses and having children* - are happening later in life amongst certain demographics, leading to a potential gap in important planning conversations across UK households.
This gap is further compounded by life expectancy falling nationally to the lowest levels in a decade and state retirement age likely to increase in the coming years. While data from Co-op Funeralcare shows the average age at which a person takes out a funeral plan to be 73 years old, which has risen by over 10 years since 2021, when the average age was just over 62 years old*.
These factors together are contributing to a shorter window for people planning ahead for death, and, alongside the potential emotional impact this could have on loved ones, family finances are also more exposed to sudden shocks and last wishes potentially unfulfilled.
Less conversation, less action
Despite half (50%) of the nation having thoughts about their own mortality before the age of 20, fewer than half (45%) have discussed their funeral wishes with those close to them. Alarmingly, 72% of people haven’t made a will, with half (51%) saying this is because ‘they haven’t got round to it yet’.
Similarly, four fifths (79%) don’t have life insurance, with a quarter (25%) saying they don’t need it. And when we consider that over two fifths (43%) of those who had lost someone in the last five years said it was ‘sudden’, loved ones could be left to face a huge financial burden during an already difficult time.
Findings also highlight that life events and external news reports are amongst the top 10 reasons people have considered their mortality in the last five years:
| Number | Trigger |
|---|---|
| 1 | Death of a family member (30%) |
| 2 | Covid-19 pandemic (26%) |
| 3 | Reaching a milestone age (24%) |
| 4 | News reports of a global or national crisis (16%) |
| 5 | A medical diagnosis (16%) |
| 6 | Death of a friend (15%) |
| 7 | Making a will (13%) |
| 8 | Death of a celebrity (10%) |
| 9 | War and terrorism (9%) |
| 10 | Retirement (9%) |
Gill Stewart, Managing Director of Co-op Funeralcare, said:
"The findings of our research, taken from across the UK, and including the experiences of our Co-op member owners, reveals the variety of triggers that can spark thoughts about mortality, from personal experiences, milestone moments to global events played out in the news.
"Despite this, our findings highlight a real missing link between thinking, talking and even planning. It can be uncomfortable to discuss planning for death and funerals with loved ones, especially for fear of upsetting them – but we believe this is precisely why those conversations are crucial.
"We know that talking to loved ones now can help them later. Putting in place funeral plans, life insurance, a will or even a Lasting Power of Attorney, can go a long way in safeguarding loved ones when the time comes.
"That's why really we encourage people to have open and honest conversations about their wishes with loved ones."
Broadcaster, journalist, and author Louise Minchin is partnering with Co-op to urge people to have open conversations about what they are leaving behind and break the negative stigma around talking about planning for the afterlife following the recent death of a family member and the loss of her friend and co-presenter Bill Turnbull. Louise Minchin, commented:
“Like many of the people in the survey I feel reluctant to talk about death with my loved ones, but a couple of recent experiences have made think about how life can be cut short very suddenly and how much easier it is for your family if you have made plans and also talked to them about your wishes. I don’t feel entirely underprepared for my own death, as I have made a will for example, but, even though I have specific ideas about my funeral I have never actually shared that with anyone.
"To see that the most important things for those left behind is ensuring the requests of the person who has died are fulfilled is a real eye-opener, and will encourage me to talk openly about plans for my own death and ask my parents about theirs as well.”
Co-op works in partnership with Cruse Bereavement Support to bring communities together to support one another with grief. Commenting on the reseach, Lucy Harmer, CEO of Cruse Bereavement Support, said:
"Co-op's research reveals how often people think about their own mortality and what causes these thoughts. Facing our own mortality can be hard, but it can also inspire us to talk more with our loved ones about our funeral wishes. At Cruse Bereavement Support, we know that talking about death can ease anxiety, improve relationships, and help with grief. That's why we support the Co-op's initiative to urge people to plan ahead and share their funeral wishes with their families."
Andrew Judd, NAFD Chief Executive, said:
“Not wanting to talk about the death of a loved one or your own funeral is understandable, but not doing so can cause considerable distress for loved ones when the time comes - whether that’s uncertainty as to what the person who has died would have wanted, family conflict over what kind of funeral service it will be, or distress if the funeral plans don’t enable your loved ones to say goodbye in the way they would want to.
“This valuable insight from Co-op Funeralcare demonstrates that we still have some way to go in the UK to getting those important conversations started. The National Association of Funeral Directors and its members have long tried to encourage people to get this important piece of ‘life admin’ done, in order to be able to get on and live their lives - secure in the knowledge that their wishes, and those of the people who will miss them, are clear and planned for.”
In response to the findings, Co-op has created a dedicated website with resources and information to help remove the stigma surrounding death and encourage open conversations about funeral wishes and later life planning.
Co-op’s life services span across insurance, funeralcare and legal services, providing products such as home and travel insurance, through to probate, conveyancing and wills.
ENDS
Notes to Editors
All figures, unless otherwise stated, are from YouGov Plc. Total sample size was 16005 adults. Fieldwork was undertaken between 6th September - 4th October 2023. The survey was carried out online. Additional research was undertaken with 18,493 Co-op member owners online in October 2023.
*https://www.lloydsbankinggroup.com/media/press-releases/2023/halifax-2023/number-of-first-time-buyers-falls.html
**https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/nov/17/ons-data-shows-15-rise-in-births-among-women-over-age-of-50-in-england
***National life tables – life expectancy in the UK - Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)
*** Business data taken from Co-op Funeralcare between 2021-2023
About Co-op
Co-op is one of the world’s largest consumer co-operatives with interests across food, funerals, insurance and legal services. Owned by millions of UK consumers, the Co-op operates over 2,400 food stores, over 800 funeral homes and provides products to over 5,000 other stores, including those run by independent co-operative societies and through its wholesale business, Nisa Retail Limited.
Employing almost 60,000 people, the Co-op has an annual turnover of over £11billion and is a recognised leader for its social goals and community-led programmes. The Co-op exists to meet members’ needs and stand up for the things they believe in.